


Other Shades Of Blue

by neoqueentitania



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, F/M, MAJOR WARNING FOR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Warnings May Change, but your boy's working through some trauma and fanfic is cheaper than therapy, i WILLprobably add archive warnings i just can't think right now, now stay with me here i promise this turns into kirisuna
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26596738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoqueentitania/pseuds/neoqueentitania
Summary: Asuna has everything; the beautiful white picket fence and a husband who adored her. But just beneath the surface, she was falling apart, torn between two hard choices.Would a grocery store manager really be able to save her life?
Relationships: Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito/Yuuki Asuna | Asuna
Comments: 22
Kudos: 18





	Other Shades Of Blue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: MAJOR WARNING FOR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.
> 
> This is a fic where Asuna is married to Sugou and he's an asshat and then she meets a certain someone and somewhere along the lines, things get better because things do get better and the entire reason I wrote this fic was to remind myself that things get better and anyway-
> 
> This fic is really me trying to look back on a past relationship and remind myself that, yes, it was hell, but I made it out and I'm in a happy, safe relationship now and I don't have to be scared anymore. So. If you're here for me giving Asuna some trauma and then some therapy... Hello. 
> 
> Please stay safe everyone, and I hope you all remember things will get better. I promise.

She had everything. A beautiful house with a white picket fence and a rose garden her neighbours were envious of, a steady job that paid well, a charming husband who seemed to dote on her whenever she requested that he did so, a family name that carried almost infamy in the country - her family’s name likely reached globally, but she really paid no attention to it.

Everyone who saw her either wanted to be her or wanted to have her. Everyone who knew her would say she had the picture-perfect life, that she had everything a woman could have asked for and then some. Could she blame them? From the outside, her life looked perfect. If she was on the outside, she might have almost believed it was.

“Asuna?”

She sighed, placing down her hairbrush on the dressing table that sat tucked away in the corner of the bedroom. She looked at herself in the mirror for a little too long, frowning and furrowing her brow to see wrinkles - any sign of aging. She was nineteen, but her face looked a little younger. She’d never really grown out of the babyface she had when she was in her early teens. She feared she never would. Her husband probably feared the same.

He was a fair few years older than her, turning twenty-seven later that year. She was too young for him, she knew that much. They’d met at one of her father’s business parties, where Sugou had been introduced to her as their newest employee. He’d been perfectly polite and charming, and Asuna had quickly fallen for him.

They saw each other a few more times, through Asuna’s parents and occasionally on their own to get lunch. It was on one such lunch date that Sugou had asked Asuna out officially, and the pair had been smitten with each other. Things were absolutely perfect.

Until they hadn’t been.

It started small enough. Asuna had promised to make him dinner one night, then fell asleep before she could. It sent Sugou into a rage, where he hurled insults at her until she was in tears. He calmed down quickly, then held her while he offered apology after apology, kissing the top of her head and promising he’d never get mad at her again. 

From there, it turned into a cycle. A minor disagreement would turn into a screaming match, then they’d both calm down and he’d hold her, offering banal apologies that she’d accept just to end the argument, then they’d move on until the next time. There was always a next time.

She should have left then. She should have left the first time he called her useless. She should have left the first time he’d thrown something across the room in a blind rage. She should have left the first time he’d tried laying a hand on her mid-fight. She should have left before he proposed.

She didn’t know why she’d said yes. She loved him. At least, she felt some time of blindly lead madness and called it love. So when he’d dropped to one knee during a date at a restaurant, she’d said yes with little hesitation. People had clapped and offered congratulations, and she fought the voice in her head telling her to run as fast as she could.

The wedding had been charming, as rushed as it had been. The guest list consisted of a small group of their friends and family, no more than thirty people in total, plus the couple themselves. Sugou had worn one of the same suits he wore to work each day, and Asuna had worn a white lace gown that her fiancé had chosen for her. Their perfect day, one day to celebrate their love with everyone close to them, one last chance for Asuna to run.

She only wished she ran.

As to be expected, their marriage wasn’t a happy one. Asuna was kept in a metaphorical cage for most of her days - though she was certain Sugou would keep her in a literal cage if only he could figure out a way to. The only time she had any sense of freedom was when he would go away for weekend-long business trips, she could go out of the house without worrying he’d be angry when she returned.

And some days she wondered if she could one day leave and not return at all.

She turned to face her husband, his face and voice devoid of any emotion, her name slurred as it passed his lips. She inhaled sharply, worried about his current state, then stood from her seat, biting her lower lip nervously.

“Yes, I’m here. Goodnight,”

She walked to her designated side of the bed, laying down with her back to him. She didn’t want to look at him. He made her look at him. His hand was firmly on her shoulder as he rolled her over to face him, their noses so close together she was inhaling every breath he exhaled. 

His breath smelt of wine. She hadn’t known he’d been planning on drinking that night, or she would have fallen asleep earlier. She hated it when he’d been drinking. It turned him into someone she couldn’t recognise, more irrational and sporadic in his anger than he usually was.

“Wh-what do you want?” She asked quietly. Her voice faltered.

She stared at her intensely, like he was trying to look into her mind to get some sort of comprehension of what she was thinking. Did he really care? She doubted it. She doubted he’d ever cared about her for anything more than her money and status. 

That was all she was to him, less a wife, and more an object of his obsession, something to grant him more importance, more attention and honour. Something he could use for whichever way he pleased, then discard once he no longer saw her as new and shiny.

He looked her up and down, eyes trailing over her shoulders where the straps of her nightgown fell. His gaze was never one of love or affection - he looked at her like she was a piece of meat, on the days he paid her any attention at all. The loving attentive husband act was dropped as soon as they were behind closed doors.

His gaze continued downward, and Asuna shifted uncomfortably, rolling back over so she could no longer see him. He was still staring, she could feel that much. His eyes bore into her even when they weren’t locked on her own. She pulled the covers up over her shoulders, she was in for a long night…

The morning came quickly once Asuna fell asleep, and she woke alone in their marital bed. Sugou would have already been at work, he always left early when her father was in the office. He was such a suck-up, it was painful how oblivious her father was. Hadn’t he already gotten what he wanted? Did he really need to keep pandering to her father’s every whim?

_ Left for work early. Won’t be home until late. Have dinner ready when I get home. Look nice, we’re expecting company. _

Asuna sighed. The only company that they ever had were their work colleagues or Asuna’s parents. Each visit brought new pressure for them to have a child. Asuna always said she wasn’t ready, Sugou always insisted it would happen soon enough, suggesting they would start trying more seriously soon enough. 

Asuna had almost started entertaining the idea.

She set about her usual morning routine, showering and washing her hair, then walking from their bathroom to her wardrobe to find a nice outfit. Her wardrobe was the size of a small bedroom, every wall was lined with shelves of clothes, shoes and jewellery. Mirrors stood proudly in each corner of the room, and there was a comfortable seat in the middle of the room. Asuna was still yet to use it.

Asuna held a towel loosely around her body, walking from shelf to shelf to pick out something decent to wear. She didn’t know what kind of company to expect, so she guessed she needed to dress more formally. There was Hell to pay if she didn’t meet the unsaid dress code.

She eventually settled on a plain red lace dress with a light white jacket and a pair of nude ballet flats. Red suited her, she always thought it brought out her eyes. Her husband rarely approved of her in the colour, though. But for one evening, she decided he could put up with it.

Getting dressed was the easy part of her day, the hard part was going to be cooking for unknown guests arriving at an unknown time. Realistically, she had until Sugou arrived home, though he’d never specified what time that was going to be. Maybe he’d only be a few minutes later than usual - he was very particular with his schedule - or maybe he’d not be home until the early hours of the morning.

Before her mind could betray her by wondering what he got up to on those long shifts, Asuna decided to leave to buy groceries. There were more important things in the vegetable aisle than wondering about her husband’s infidelity.

Really, she didn’t know what she was trying to find. Sugou liked it when she made intricate meals that garnered the attention of their guests. He liked having an opportunity to boast about how well Asuna treated him, how he ate like a king, how her cooking skills rivalled that of award-winning chefs.

She downplayed every compliment, to which their guests would mostly scold her for being modest. She couldn’t help it, it was hard to accept compliments from the same man who told her that she was worthless, that she had nothing, that she had nobody. His words were only nice in company. But his actions behind closed doors were even worse…

“Are you okay?”

Asuna snapped her head up from the grocery list in her hands, eyes falling on a boy who couldn’t have been older than herself, hand outstretched as if he was trying to catch his balance. 

“Huh?”

The boy looked at her for a moment, “You just bumped into me, then started crying in the middle of the aisle. Did the turnips say something insulting to you or something?”

Asuna blinked a few times - she  _ had _ been crying. She cursed herself, why’d she do that? She could cry any other time, away from everyone else, in the safety of her own home. But her own home wasn’t safe. Maybe that was why she was crying.

“Ah, I’m fine.” She lied, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, “It’s just allergies, that’s all. You know, all the smells here and such must’ve triggered it.”

“Well, give me your list.. I’ll buy the rest of your groceries and you can stand somewhere else and get your…  _ allergies _ under control.”

Before Asuna could respond, her list was in his hands and he was walking with determination down the aisle to collect everything. Something told her she should run after him, but she didn’t. She was exhausted, mentally and physically, and she wouldn’t mind a small break. So she let him collect her groceries, and, sure enough, he came back and handed a full basket to her a few minutes later.

“That was fast,” Asuna commented as she took the basket from him, “Thank you for that. Do I owe you anything? I’ll pay you, how much do-”

He walked off to the registers without saying a word, Asuna trailing behind him. If she had been more observant, she would have noticed his employee nametag sooner.  _ Kazuto _ . He led her to a register and began scanning her items, and Asuna fumbled to find her credit card in her purse.

“You really didn’t have to do any of this,” she mumbled as she pulled the card out and tapped it against the machine.

Kazuto shrugged, “Can I not offer to help a damsel in distress?”

Asuna wanted to make a witty comeback, but fell short once she noticed a bar of chocolate on top of her grocery bag.

“Oh, I think you got the wrong thing,”

“No, I rang it up free of charge. You look like you needed it.”

“Well, thank you very much. For all of this, it’s really kind of you.”

Kazuto handed her the bag, flashing her a smile. She couldn’t tell if she was blushing or crying again.

“If you ever need anything here, just ask for me. I’m Kazuto Kirigaya, and you are?”

“Asuna Yuu-” She stopped, sighing and correcting herself, “I’m Asuna Nobuyuki. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kazuto.”

“The pleasure was all mine. I hope your day gets better.”

“I’m sure it will,” She smiled, then began to walk out of the store, a warm feeling in her chest for the first time she could remember. Now she just had to make it back to the house and cook dinner without crying - again.

It turned out to be far more difficult than she expected. She couldn’t place why her emotions were so all over the place. She cried once in the car, then twice while she cut onions, which she brushed off as being the result of the onions. A feeling in her gut told her otherwise.

Sugou walked through the door unusually early, walking to the kitchen to kiss his wife as she finished their meal. She prepared herself for the worst, him being home early was never a good sign.

“Welcome home, how was work?"

“It was fantastic, your father offered me a raise! Something about a son-in-law bonus,” his voice was smug.

“That’s nice,” Asuna took a pot from the stove, setting it on the countertop, “Here, can you please taste this? I tried making it from memory but I’m not sure if it’s missing something,”

She shouldn’t have asked.

He spat it out as soon as he tasted it, then started yelling. She should’ve followed a recipe, she should have stuck with something she knew, she should have done something simpler, she should know how to cook. What kind of a wife was she if she couldn’t even cook properly?

“I’m sorry!”

“I don’t care!” He pounded his fist against the counter, making Asuna jump, “I don’t care if you’re sorry! You’re useless! I regret ever marrying you! We have guests coming over and this is what you expect me to present them with?”

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll fix it, I promise.”

He stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Asuna trembling as she restarted her soup. She’d get it right this time, follow a recipe to the letter, then triple-checked it before she let him try it again. His response was a simple “better” followed by a quick apology, then he helped her clean the kitchen while they waited for their guests to arrive.

“Say, you never said who was coming over,” Asuna said as she wiped a spill from the counter.

“Your parents,” Sugou sounded bored already, “They wanted to see how you were doing, said they hadn’t seen you in a while.”

Asuna smiled to herself, “I’ve missed them, I haven’t seen them since you left for your business trip last month. We said we’d see them when you got back, but then we never did. I’m excited to see th-”

“We need a baby.”

Asuna dropped the dishtowel in her hands. She’d heard him wrong, surely. She was still so young, she wasn’t ready to be a mother. She could barely handle marriage, children were the furthest thing from her thoughts. She hadn’t planned on having a baby until she was at least in her mid-twenties.

“I’m sorry, I think I misheard you,”

“We need to have a baby,” Sugou repeated, turning to face her. 

Asuna could never read his face - he had so many of them she’d given up trying. He seemed genuinely caring, smile warm and eyes, for once, focused on her. He was looking at her like she was his entire world, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d truly looked at her like that. 

Maybe a baby would be good for them, if it meant he’d look at her with so much care. Maybe a baby would finally calm him down. Surely he wouldn’t scream at his wife in front of their child, right?

She considered it for a moment. He had flaws, she couldn’t possibly attempt to deny that, but Sugou was a smart man, he was responsible, charming and endearing, the type of man women swooned over. Asuna didn’t doubt he’d be a capable father, maybe she’d go so far as to say he’d be a good one. But there was still a voice in the back of her mind telling her that she wanted no permanant ties to him, something that screamed at her to run while she still could.

Sugou cleared his throat, stepping towards his wife to pull her into his arms.

“Asuna, I know I’m not a perfect man - and you should know that you’re not a perfect woman, either - but think about it. A baby of our own, something we could raise and help grow up. We could be parents, you could be a fantastic mother. You’d make your parents and I so incredibly happy. Wouldn’t you want that? A big happy family?”

“It  _ would _ be nice…” She mumbled, burying her face against his shirt, “I’d like to be a mother, I know I would. I just didn’t imagine it would be so sudden…”

“I know, it’s a lot to take in, but please consider it. You’d make me the happiest man in the world.”

Asuna inhaled, breathing in the scent of his cologne, “Let me think about it, it’s a really big decision. I don’t want to rush into it, you know? Having a baby is something I want to be one-hundred percent sure of, I want to be sure that that’s what I want to do with my life and who I want to start that part of my life with-”

She bit her tongue as soon as she said it. Had she really just told her husband that she wasn’t sure if she was commited enough to have children with him? Her heart raced, she was certain he could hear it. For a moment she felt like she was about to pass out.

Sugou’s grip tightened around her, the hand that rested lightly on her lower back held her tighter against him with some subtle irritation. His other hand slid up her back until his fingers dug uncomfortably into her shoulder blades, his chin rested sharply on top of her head. She grimaced.

“You don’t think you’d want to have a child with me?” He asked.

Asuna swallowed hard, “Of course I do, I love you- It’s me. It’s me that’s the problem, I don’t know if I’m ready for children. I’m sorry,”

She pulled away from him as gently as she could, stepping back to lean against the wall, sighing deeply. She was lying through her teeth - was she? She loved him, of course she did. She saw him as her future, saw him as the father of her children, the man she’d grow old with. They were married, did she have any other choice?

Maybe she’d felt her entire body tremble with fear and she’d called it butterflies.

He was speaking, she knew that much, but his words didn’t register. Her brain was turning far too quickly for her to process anything, everything in her was screaming at her in unintelligible thoughts that resonated as howls of pain in her mind. She knew what she was trying to tell herself, but didn’t have the courage to act on it.

So she looked up at him with all the feigned assurance she could manage, then smiled-

“Let’s have a baby,”

-and she felt like she’d just signed her life away.


End file.
